The only time I usually feel my age is first thing in the morning and after I get off work in the afternoon. At these times I can tell by the aches and pains that age is slowly ( well maybe not so slowly, ha) creeping up on me, but this weekend I am mentally feeling my age.
This weekend is my oldest daughter’s 20 year high school reunion, really? OMG, how can that be, I thought mine was just a couple of years ago, but I guess when I really think about it..it wasn’t, it was 20 years ago! The last time I mentally felt my age was on my 30th birthday, I looked in the mirror and suddenly realized I was not 18 any more! I was able to extinguish that three alarm fire by gaining a “Free To Be Me” attitude which brought me the ability to care less about what other people thought and more about what I thought and how I felt about things. I have kept that attitude now for over 28 years. But this is different, I don’t believe I am going to be able to will this anguish away.
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that Jin has been out of high school for twenty years, My god, that means I have been out of school for 40 years, can that be true? Where have the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years gone? It seems just yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital and holding her tiny body in my arms. Just yesterday, she was walking, talking, laughing and bringing the kind joy I had never dreamed of into my life.
Even as I sit here in disbelief, I know that no matter how sweet and wonderful those days were, I would never go back. When I look at her today, the woman and mother she has become is something I would not take away from either of us. Her three children are so dear to me and even tho they do add the years on to my time here on earth, they are something I could not live without.
I guess I will make it through this mental pain and go on with my life, after all her oldest son graduates this year and I can only pray I will be around on the day of his 20 year high school reunion!
There is no love greater than the love of a Mother for her children( in my opinion anyway). I love and cherish all of mine. In two years, I will have to go through this anguish all over again when my daughter Carrie has her 20 year high school reunion. Lord help me! But I won’t think of that today, I have two years before I have to think about that!!